Valentine's, another of those "holidays" that half the people say they hate and the other half can not get enough of. It is another day that merchants prepare for and the airways are full of commercials for. "For the one you love.........." It is time for that huge diamond, huge flower arrangement. Key word, huge.
Now, there are many single people out there and I want to dedicate this to them.
Those with any kind of "significant other" make sure you give each other something.
Oh, and by no means am I saying, the "huge" anything. A meal, time together, a thought or a rose is fine.
Now, back to singles. I want to add that Valentine's Day is a day of friendship. I actually spoke with a teenager recently that agreed with another friend ( both are girls) to be each other's Valentines. No, it is not sexual, it is in the spirit of friendship.
Now, singles, don't forget yourself. Treat yourself to something nice, a pedicure/manicure is nice, maybe in vivid red,unless you are male and want to go more conservative, then do clear or buff.
Take a class, do something for yourself and of course, do not forget your friends.
Send greetings to all on your social network sites, give co workers candy or bring in something with that theme.
Valentine's Day is a day of friendship,a day to acknowledge friends, relatives and all those that are around to give us warm and fuzzies through out the year.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Time flies?!
Well, it's the middle of the month in the new year and new decade. Some folks made New Years resolutions and reality just hit. We are back to the routine of daily life!
Work, kids, traffic, bills.......
Gyms have been packed with well intended folks.
Now, if on day 2, 3, 15 you felt a relapse into old behaviors, do not give up!
Pick yourself up and get back on track. Many times New Year's resolutions are unrealistic and apparent failure is imminent. Apparent failure is not failure, it is a learning experience. Perhaps the plan was not realistic, and you may want to start slower, at a smaller level. Guess what? That is Okay!
Starting small and with slow progress is good. The focus needs to be on being consistent. Baby steps until you reach your goal.
If you are not where you wanted to be with your resolution? It's Okay. Start again. You actually have less pressure now that we are in the middle of January.
Go for it!
Work, kids, traffic, bills.......
Gyms have been packed with well intended folks.
Now, if on day 2, 3, 15 you felt a relapse into old behaviors, do not give up!
Pick yourself up and get back on track. Many times New Year's resolutions are unrealistic and apparent failure is imminent. Apparent failure is not failure, it is a learning experience. Perhaps the plan was not realistic, and you may want to start slower, at a smaller level. Guess what? That is Okay!
Starting small and with slow progress is good. The focus needs to be on being consistent. Baby steps until you reach your goal.
If you are not where you wanted to be with your resolution? It's Okay. Start again. You actually have less pressure now that we are in the middle of January.
Go for it!
Monday, December 28, 2009
New Year!
As we get ready for another year, many people start verbalizing plans for change and new year resolutions. Many have great expectations of changes that will come in the new year. January 1st is the beginning and by perhaps the middle of the month there is disappointment.
Well, it is wonderful to have great expectations,ideas and plans for the new year.
What we have to remember is that change, although possible , is very difficult. We need to have short and long term plans and be forgiving of ourselves when our progress is slow or we fall short of what we expected.
Tell others of your plans and surround yourself with support. Allow yourself setbacks and start back even if at first you feel you have failed.
It can be done. You may even want to start making small preparations before January 1st. Be a little flexible with your deadlines.
Depending on your goal, you may want to have visuals such as pictures or charts to provide you an idea or actual visual of your progress or where it is you need more help.
Have faith in yourself and you can succeed.
To a great new decade and year!
Well, it is wonderful to have great expectations,ideas and plans for the new year.
What we have to remember is that change, although possible , is very difficult. We need to have short and long term plans and be forgiving of ourselves when our progress is slow or we fall short of what we expected.
Tell others of your plans and surround yourself with support. Allow yourself setbacks and start back even if at first you feel you have failed.
It can be done. You may even want to start making small preparations before January 1st. Be a little flexible with your deadlines.
Depending on your goal, you may want to have visuals such as pictures or charts to provide you an idea or actual visual of your progress or where it is you need more help.
Have faith in yourself and you can succeed.
To a great new decade and year!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
who hurts in an affair
As we all watch the Tiger Woods affair situation, it is important to remember that there is pain being felt by all parties. In the aftermath of the disclosure of any marital affair, it is not only the spouse/victim that hurts deeply but also the inlaws, children and even friends. No one is an island, when someone makes a unilateral decision to cheat, have any emotional and/or physical relationship with another person, they are momentarily satisfying a need at the expense of the the spouse, children, friends and inlaws.
All affairs are different and it is not about the sex. Some adulterers blame the spouse for their affair. They can not accept that they have done wrong so they look for a way to justify their bad behavior.
In the affair, the cheater, makes a conscious decision to go outside the marriage. They make a decision to lie, hide and behave poorly.
If the marriage is not working, look for counseling, legal counsel,look for help; jumping into bed or online with another person, is not the answer.
All affairs are different and it is not about the sex. Some adulterers blame the spouse for their affair. They can not accept that they have done wrong so they look for a way to justify their bad behavior.
In the affair, the cheater, makes a conscious decision to go outside the marriage. They make a decision to lie, hide and behave poorly.
If the marriage is not working, look for counseling, legal counsel,look for help; jumping into bed or online with another person, is not the answer.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Happy Holidays
Well, we are in the thick, sort of speak, of the holiday season. Thanksgiving has passed and now we are getting ready for the holidays. We have Hanukkah and Christmas to look forward. With them come, get together with friends, family, co-workers and a time of joy and giving.
It is time to focus on our blessings and enjoy those who are around us and provide us joy through out the year.
It is a difficult time for many since they recall memories of those friends and family that have passed. Many people also feel melancholy but can't identify why. Many tell me" this is the saddest time of the year for me"
While this time may bring sadness, I believe that accepting this yet re framing the thought or changing it around is the key. We make choices in life, sometimes that includes a choice to make ourselves less unhappy and look and work at some sense of happiness. Practice makes perfect, let's practice making ourselves happier. Let's smile more, look at the glass as half full.
I know, it is not easy. But, the good things in life have never been! Every morning, meditate or pray. Envision yourself being happy and experiencing a happy holiday related activity daily.
It is time to focus on our blessings and enjoy those who are around us and provide us joy through out the year.
It is a difficult time for many since they recall memories of those friends and family that have passed. Many people also feel melancholy but can't identify why. Many tell me" this is the saddest time of the year for me"
While this time may bring sadness, I believe that accepting this yet re framing the thought or changing it around is the key. We make choices in life, sometimes that includes a choice to make ourselves less unhappy and look and work at some sense of happiness. Practice makes perfect, let's practice making ourselves happier. Let's smile more, look at the glass as half full.
I know, it is not easy. But, the good things in life have never been! Every morning, meditate or pray. Envision yourself being happy and experiencing a happy holiday related activity daily.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Rebound Relationships
Dating after a breakup is a tricky thing. When is the right time? I tell my clients to use caution. While it is important to socialize and interact with others, it is important to understand that when you have had a long term relationship or marriage, there is a bond or joining of souls, if you will, that has been broken. After a break up you are vulnerable, and it is very easy to fill the void with another person, who will turn out to be the wrong person. Not that the person is a bad person, but most probably not the right match. It is normal to want to get back the attention and "love" that was lost; be careful.
The person "abandoning" the relationship may have already met another person who was used to fill that person's void and strengthen the person's will to leave and abandon their partner. The "dumped" person many times comes to counseling grieving the loss,abandonment and envying the "dumper's" relationship. There is nothing to envy there. That relationship many times is weak, based on lies and infidelity. There may be a marriage but not a healthy one. For the "dumper", when that "second" relationship ends, that person will grieve both relationships. The "dumpee" has grieved once. So there is nothing to envy. Once the "dumpee" finds a new partner, they are in a much better place emotionally and spiritually. After separation and divorce, focus on yourself and get to know yourself again. Reconnect with friends. If you date, understand that this person can be a friend and reframe from focusing on relationship. It is OK to date many people. Dating does not mean becoming sexually involved. Focus on self and self growth with a healthy network of friends.
The person "abandoning" the relationship may have already met another person who was used to fill that person's void and strengthen the person's will to leave and abandon their partner. The "dumped" person many times comes to counseling grieving the loss,abandonment and envying the "dumper's" relationship. There is nothing to envy there. That relationship many times is weak, based on lies and infidelity. There may be a marriage but not a healthy one. For the "dumper", when that "second" relationship ends, that person will grieve both relationships. The "dumpee" has grieved once. So there is nothing to envy. Once the "dumpee" finds a new partner, they are in a much better place emotionally and spiritually. After separation and divorce, focus on yourself and get to know yourself again. Reconnect with friends. If you date, understand that this person can be a friend and reframe from focusing on relationship. It is OK to date many people. Dating does not mean becoming sexually involved. Focus on self and self growth with a healthy network of friends.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
School time!
It's that time of the year; back to school. Five year olds starting school for the first time. Older "children" starting Middle and Senior High and oh, the anxiety of the parents sending off the "young adults" to college. A time of transition for many.
To the parents I say, you have hopefully taught your kids manners, and self respect at whatever age they are and can allow yourself to let them experience and learn for themselves. For many parents there is a change. No child home during the day, or living in the home. This should not be viewed as a negative. It can also be a time for the child's primary caretaker to return to school, work, or community service. It can be time to start a home business in the spare room. Time to rekindle romance instead of having an empty nest.
Whatever age, parents need to give kids the "space" to grow. New friends in Kindergarten, space for the young adult to mature.
It is funny now, in a time of cell phones how some parents feel a need to call the "child" through out the day. How did previous generations cope?
It will be a time of change and transition for many and these are to be framed in positive ways. Growth and even that little tinge of pain is good. It is growth. It will be a benefit in the long run.
Parents talk to your kids about personal responsibility, it should have started a while ago. Have the conversation again ,trust your kids, and that you have done your job. Enjoy Life!
To the parents I say, you have hopefully taught your kids manners, and self respect at whatever age they are and can allow yourself to let them experience and learn for themselves. For many parents there is a change. No child home during the day, or living in the home. This should not be viewed as a negative. It can also be a time for the child's primary caretaker to return to school, work, or community service. It can be time to start a home business in the spare room. Time to rekindle romance instead of having an empty nest.
Whatever age, parents need to give kids the "space" to grow. New friends in Kindergarten, space for the young adult to mature.
It is funny now, in a time of cell phones how some parents feel a need to call the "child" through out the day. How did previous generations cope?
It will be a time of change and transition for many and these are to be framed in positive ways. Growth and even that little tinge of pain is good. It is growth. It will be a benefit in the long run.
Parents talk to your kids about personal responsibility, it should have started a while ago. Have the conversation again ,trust your kids, and that you have done your job. Enjoy Life!
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